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Overcoming my struggles with Guruji's grace

Ankit Malhotra, January 2022
Three years ago, I couldn't have imagined that someone whom I never met or saw would come and change my destiny. Till then I was a quietly ambitious but introverted kid who thought that if the person in front could do something so could I. But I failed in whatever quest I undertook for I was never in a position physically, financially, technologically, intellectually, or resource-wise to see through my challenges. I couldn't clear the entrance exams of domestic universities let alone the foreign ones I had set my sight on. Yet I decided to go for Actuarial Science, which has some of the toughest exams out there. I gave six attempts, including international versions of the test, after taking tuitions, but couldn't clear them. I was completely drained when I got to know about Bade Mandir through a cousin.

One fine Monday morning, after having read many online satsangs as you are reading right now, I bunked a few lectures and went to Bade Mandir without telling anybody. At the Mandir, I prayed thus: "If you're there, please do something." I felt very positive after my first visit and decided to come again.

For the next visit, I decided to walk to Bade Mandir, a distance of 13 km, because the auto-rickshaw cost around Rs 500, which matters for a college-going student even though my family is well off. By the time I had walked a few kilometers I thought that it would likely get late by the time I returned and I would not be able to take public transport. If someone gave me a lift, I told myself, I would take it. Five minutes later a car stopped by to ask for directions to the Bade Mandir, and I told them I was going there and hopped in.

My visits became frequent and my family got onboard six months later when I told them about how I felt Guruji's divine fragrance. I visited Empire Estate and Jalandhar Mandir, which gave impetus to my spiritual journey. I experienced many positive changes with every teardrop that fell during simran at this holy place. Wounds healed as time passed but scars remained.

It was 2016 when I finished my university study and tried to get into foreign universities, but nothing materialized. I became idle and gained 13 kg of weight. Come December of that year, and my family and I decided to go for sewa that was open to all. We got cleaning sewa outside the Mandir and, much to our delight, were also allowed to do sewa inside.

I plunged into sewa for the next six months, and this made it the most cherished period of my life. The new langar hall was being made and the allotted area had debris all around. I drove daily from West Delhi to Bade Mandir, did every kind of sewa from morning till evening. I spent entire days within the darbar, samadhi, at Guruji's personal room and basement. I almost saw through the making of the new langar hall and new joda ghar from start to finish. It was the hardest sewa I ever did. Guruji blessed me with His presence in the form of His swaroops, calendars, Light of Divinity, and car stickers. Of course, I also lost excess weight. Bade Mandir became second home to me and nobody objected to my visiting the Mandir, including prickly relatives who thought I was getting unnecessarily spiritual.

I had been idle for nine months when I got admission into an institute run by the Ministry of Finance, hardly 15 kms from the Mandir. It was a beautiful campus with lush green fields that had peacocks dancing during the rains. I beheld frequent darshans of Guruji in the form of fragrances, butterflies, and His presence in my room.

I would drive from the hostel every now and then, especially before any exam, to the Mandir. My faith in Guruji was paramount so I did not fear losing out on preparations.

Then I got a job related to the stock market. The workplace was a few Metro stations away from home; the closing time was 3.30 pm and the weekends were off. The stock market was a passive obsession, so I was happy. Little did I know what was to come. As days and months passed by, things at the brokerage got so ugly that out of 13 hires only a friend and me remained. Others were sacked. The job was monotonous and lacked any kind of humane culture. It became a huge drag and sapped all my enthusiasm.

Physically, I began to suffer a sharp stinging pain in the chest. I did not take it seriously because I began getting messages from sangat about Guruji knowing all about my trials and about Him changing things around. At first I passed on these messages as somebody else's share of blessings. But when things started getting out of hand, I was literally feeding myself with hope and faith from these messages. I knew that Guruji was resolving my bad karmas within a short period of time. But the chest pain became unbearable. Nights were spent clinching tightly to the bedsheet as I cried myself to sleep. My sole succor was Guruji, who asked me to come to Mandir on several occasions when I found myself trembling with pain. And He was there all this while, closer than I imagined.

I resigned from my job four months before completing my contract and flew to Dubai for a vacation. There was a minor sense of relief and the fact that by then He had saved me from graver perils. In Dubai, we were duped for 200 dirhams by a con man. I complained to Guruji: He promises that He is protecting us; how come this happened? The very next day we got back our money due to the help of police officials. I was given to understand that some karma had to be cleared up with that con man.

Though the future felt secure in Guruji's arms, there could not have been a worse time to find a job, since we landed back at Delhi in step with the coronavirus. It was February 2020 and the country soon went into a lockdown. I was stranded with absolutely nothing to hold on to. I became weak and slept close to 12 hours each day. When the lockdown lifted, I went for morning and evening walks for nearly three hours each day, with music and shabads being my only companion. I had nowhere to go and nothing to do. I was continuously taunted by family and relatives and I had to deflect anything coming my way.

I did not tell anybody that Guruji had revealed His existence within my body and He was changing my fate. At this time, we decided to set up Guruji's darbar at home. This helped me get through nine months of the pandemic. Guruji also cured my 89-year-old grandmother of an IUT infection. He also helped release a property we had that was stuck under an uninitiated construction project. But the family business continued to suffer.

This was not all. The pain in the chest turned out to be a cardiopulmonary disease which came with many comorbidities such as cystic fibrosis and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. I had a lung and heart disease which affected all other organs consequentially. But Guruji's grace worked wonders. He operated on me without any tools, without any incision and without fanfare. He asked for only one thing: Deep reverence and love for Him, which can move mountains.

By April 2021, I had understood that I was not going to head out of home for work for at least another year. I was made to counsel a psychiatrist for what was termed my identity crisis. That is, for believing that Guruji resides within me, that He notes the seeds of karmas that are going to bear fruit. I didn’t take this intervention well. I really got angry with Guruji, and He took note of my misconduct. I believe Guruji has made my karmas lose their binding force. For that to happen, attachment to work needs to be given up and an inner journey undertaken, one in which the force of our senses is reversed. Guruji told me about this inner journey through a few ancient texts which set out the spiritual laws that we are expected to follow.

Guruji is omnipotent and omnipresent. He is within us. Your goal is to live Him within yourself, where you and He form a formidable companionship. He fulfills all your undertakings and you win Him with your love and adoration. Whatever you do is a joint partnership, one which is good and suffused with righteousness. Such is our Satguru, the Formless Perfect Being.

Guruji's divine words, for all devotees