|| Kurbaan jaee us vella suhavi jab tumre dware aaya ||
The lovely morning which saw me at your door claims me forever
I lost my father in December of 2017 and everything fell apart. Our family revolved around him and suddenly we didn't know how to react, how to live our lives without him. Then in July 2018, another tragedy shook us when I lost my maternal uncle.
In September 2018, I read 'Autobiography of a Yogi' by Sri Paramahansa Yogananda. Inspired, I prayed to the Almighty to grant me a Guru who would understand me without me having to tell Him anything. Two months later, my wish began to come true. I saw the word "Guruji" at a few places. Though I had chanced upon the word earlier, this time I felt an urge to know more. A friend who knew about Guruji Maharaj took me to Bade Mandir. Though I didn't establish a connection with Guruji on my first visit, I later realised I had found my Satguru. The words of the Gurubani leapt to my mind then: "
Anand bhaya meri maaye Satguru main paaya." I had to recognize that God had granted my wish, though I had always complained that the Lord never listened to me.
How He has held my hand
One evening I was reading 'Light of Divinity'. On page number 298, under the subheading, 'Power of Prayer', a lady devotee shared a wonderful experience. She had written that while perusing the Shiva Purana, she read the following: "God does not hold or touch you physically, but if He does, generations of your
kul (family) are blessed." That evening when she went to Guruji at Empire Estate, Guruji held her hand, entwined her fingers with His and repeated the same lines in chaste Hindi. I couldn't hold back my tears. The same night Guruji gave me dream
darshan: He held my hand and entwined His fingers with mine. In my vision, I was a small girl, on the road to school, at a place where we children would often spot peacocks from the school bus and cry out, '
Mor, mor'.
I understood why I was seeing myself as a small girl. I had always asked Guruji why He hadn't taken me in his
sharan earlier. Now He was showing me that He had been holding my hand for a long time. I had not specifically asked Guruji to bless me in a manner similar to the devotee's, but Guruji knew: "
Bin boleya sab kuch jaanda." My happiness knew no bounds.
Satsangs, Bollywood answers and blessings
Around March or April of year 2019, I attended Guruji's
satsang for the first time. After
langar prasad, Bollywood music was played and the
sangat danced. Everyone was having a good time. I was standing in a corner and having my little chat with Guruji, saying: "
Guruji main teri patang, saiyaan dorr hathi chaddi na mai katti javangi." The next song that played was, "
Balle ji sohneya de rang dekh lo, bina dorr to ae udadi patang dekh lo." He answered my question through that song. Ever since Guruji and I have had many such chitchats and He responds to me through Bollywood songs. Be it songs, messages, or books, no question is left unanswered. Guruji always answers. Thank you, Guruji.
That same year, on Guruji's Mahasamadhi day, I planned to attend a satsang in our locality in Delhi. I was to get the time of the satsang via a phone call. I came to know at around 11.15 am that the satsang had already started, but when I reached there, within 15 minutes, the satsang was over. I was distraught. Then someone announced that a bus was waiting outside, ready to go to Chota Mandir and Bade Mandir for darshan. I was overwhelmed with joy.
Soon I had my first darshan at Empire Estate. We learnt that Bade Mandir was closed, but devotees decided to go up to the Mandir and take darshan from outside the gate. To our surprise, the Mandir was open.
I learnt that Guruji is the best planner we can ever have. He had already planned that day for me, as He has the days that are to come. It's better to leave things to Him and patiently wait for Guruji's plan to work out.
Recently my family and I had to shift from Delhi to Nagpur. That made it difficult for me to attend satsangs as did the fact that my family hadn't yet found faith in Guruji. I also missed going to Bade Mandir.
One day, I found a way out. My mother and brother had gone out for work and I had finished the household chores. It occurred to me that I had time to organize a satsang at home before their return. I quickly made
chai and
kadha prasad and
dalia. (For some reason, porridge was all that I could make as a dish that day.) We had minimal furniture owing to the recent transfer from Delhi, so I could only arrange an
aasan for Guruji on a plastic chair. I kept wondering if Guruji would come to the satsang and was worried that I had not made arrangements in the proper manner. I felt bad that I couldn't find a better aasan and was giving dalia to Guruji for
bhog. Neither did I offer flowers or set up a bigger
swaroop of Guruji. I made do with a small swaroop that I had received during a satsang in Delhi. I was filled with guilt for not being able to offer the best.
But what had begun in prosaic fashion had a miraculous ending. Guruji came! His face was clearly visible on the
chola. It was His way of telling me that He was present. He took my guilt away. After all, He comes to all His satsangs, big or small; He is always there. His blessings are countless; no words can describe how I felt that day.
Amazing healings
Not only has Guruji been with me throughout, He has also given me the blessings of His healing touch. The first time that came around was when I had tooth pain, for which I took medicines and felt better. But the pain came back with severity and I had to see a dentist. She recommended extraction and asked me to return after a few days, but I decided that it would be Guruji who would set my teeth right.
When the pain persisted and was unbearable without painkillers, I began to vacillate. Maybe Guruji wants me to go for the extraction, I thought, and decided to go for it, but after I went through with a planned 2-day trip to Chandigarh.
On the road trip back to New Delhi, I ran out of painkillers. It was late evening and I couldn't find any on the way. Back home, I talked to Guruji. I didn't want to get old so soon: How would it work out if my teeth began to fall off? Thereafter I went to sleep — and woke up without any pain. Guruji had heard and healed my teeth. Ever since I have tried to take good care of my teeth.
A month later, I got an eye infection — a situation that always makes me panicky. On top of it, I had to attend a wedding that evening so I couldn't consult an ophthalmologist right away. In distress, I began looking for signs from Guruji that it would be all right. I took a shared cab to reach the hotel from the wedding venue. The lady in the cab with me was chatting over social media when I saw the divine sign: The word 'Guruji' on her device screen. My infected eye grew wide open. The lady, who was indeed a devotee, shared a health-related satsang with me.
The next day I searched for an eye doctor in my locality, but couldn't find one. A renowned hospital nearby was too pricey. It was the month-end, I was facing a cash crunch and didn't want to borrow from my family. So I asked Guruji for advice, and a doctor's name crossed my mind. I called his clinic and was asked to come quickly, since the clinic was about to close.
At the clinic, I found that he was an ENT doctor. He suggested an eye drop with the caveat that I must see an ophthalmologist if it didn't work. The ENT doc did not charge me.
At home, I kept the vial in front of Guruji's swaroop and said: "
Dawa bhi tab hi kaam karti hai jab aap bless karte ho." I had heard that Guruji used to say this. I put one drop in my infected eye before sleeping. The next morning the infection was gone.
How had I thought of a doctor, who turned out to be an ENT guy and treated me for free. Guruji had guided me to that clinic. I was cured without having to spend a single paisa.
His presence during my journeys
In the first week of May, my family and I went to visit our native village. I was tired from the journey and the hot weather. I felt dizzy, disoriented and took a nap. I confusedly muttered: "
Guruji kitni garmi hai, thoda thanda kardo." (I meant that someone should turn on the cooler in the room.) After sometime, around 4pm, it started to drizzle. Guruji had indeed turned the temperature down. I was extremely happy but apologetic too. I thought to myself that I bothered Guruji way too much.
One time, my brother and I were travelling to Samalkha near Panipat via a morning train from New Delhi. We had never been to Samalkha, and did not know where to get down so we were checking the train's travel status online. The train halted at a station, and waited there for more than the stipulated time. Meanwhile, we dithered about getting down till my brother opened the app for the train's location. We checked with people on the bogie, who confirmed it was Samalkha and we got down. I told my brother that Guruji had kept the train waiting to give us time to get down. Sure enough the train moved off after we were out.
While returning though the train journey was tiring and took two to three hours more than usual. Guruji had stopped the train for us the last time, but now he was teaching us not to be careless.
Guruji was with me in yet another journey — from Nagpur to New Delhi. I fell into talking with Guruji (as is my habit) while I was in the airport: 'Here I have to get into a line, there show id...' When I boarded the flight I got a seat in the last row, numbered 31C; the seat beside it was vacant. I was delighted. I tied the seat belt for Guruji, and took a photograph with Him. The person on the other seat might have thought I was crazy. Happily crazy! I had doubted if Guruji was travelling with me or if my mind was acting like He was, which is why I got the last seat — but the number matched my birthdate. From that vantage point I could see that all the other seats in the plane were occupied. Another passenger I checked with confirmed the same.
Sometimes I tell Guruji that I am a 'zero' and request Him to fill the space with His love. It has been so. Guruji has filled my empty heart with His love, and made me see good in everything. Every time I feel like giving up, His love makes me stand again and keep walking, one step at a time.
Life is beautiful with Guruji. I now feel thankful for the tough course of events that brought me to Him and to Guruji for showing me His stairway to heaven and for holding my hand. He holds each one of us, we just need to have trust and walk along.
|| Kabir mera mujhme kich nahin, jo kich hain so tera
Tera tujh ko saunpke, kya laage mera||
|| Nothing that I hold is mine, all is yours
Giving yours to you, what is left that is mine? ||
A devotee
April 2020