I have been a devotee of Guruji since 1995 and have had the privilege of His darshan many times. But I did not spiritually connect with Him till I faced a crisis in my life, seven years after He left His physical form, when my family and I were in Germany.
In October 2013, I had Guruji's darshan in my dream. He said: "Bada mada time aaun wala hai." (A very bad phase is coming). He instructed me to follow a remedy. I did so for five days, but then stopped, thinking that His visitation was just a dream. My lack of faith was to have its consequences.
Then, in June 2014, I had a weird dream which seemed very real. And in the days that came, it was clear that it was a prophecy.
I was fast asleep. Suddenly, someone whispered very close to my right ear in Punjabi: "Teri bahut jaldi maut hon vaali hai." (You are going to die very soon). I looked to the left and Guruji was there, standing in a black chola. He was looking at me silently with a grave expression. I woke up scared. I called my mother and sister-in-law in India, who are devotees of Guruji. They reassured me that Guruji's presence meant I should not worry. I calmed down and after a few days, I pushed the dream out of my mind.
A month later, on 17th July 2014 to be exact, I found a huge lump in my right breast. It seemed to have appeared overnight. I went to my gynaecologist and she did an ultrasound, diagnosing the lump as just a water cyst. But below the cyst she saw something which was not clear. She ordered a mammography, which showed growth. A biopsy followed and gave credence to my worst fears—it was cancer. An immediate operation was suggested.
The entire process had taken ten days, by which time our daughter's summer vacation was upon us and we had booked our flight to India. We decided to go. We spent time with the family, paid our respects at Bade Mandir, and then returned. Thanks to my visit to the Bade Mandir, I had every confidence that everything would turn out fine. I went for the operation on September 2014.
When Guruji was in His physical form, I had obtained a very small picture of Him in a red chola. I have always carried that picture with me. On the day of the operation, I held that photograph in my right hand and after sedation, as I was being wheeled into the operation theatre, my husband placed that picture under my pillow. He asked the nurse to leave it there. But I was shifted to the operation table, and the picture stayed on the bed on which I had been brought in. Doctors removed the growth and were about to stitch me up when I suddenly gained consciousness. I still recall seeing masked surgeons looking down at me.
Although my sight was fuzzy due to the anaesthesia, my mind was fully alert. I raised my left hand and asked the surgeons, "Where is my picture?" The medical team, which was German, was shocked because I was not supposed to be conscious. One surgeon asked, "Do you know who you are?" I was focussed on locating the picture, so I replied with slight irritation: "Yes, I know who I am, and now tell me where is my picture?" My doctors and nurses searched for the picture in some haste. They found it, showed it to me and asked, "Is this the pic?" I could make out that it was Guruji's, so I said: "Yes, and please put it under my pillow." Then, I lost consciousness; I would have been awake for not more than one minute.
I came to know that after the picture was placed under my pillow, the doctors thought of checking further and found that cancer had spread to a few lymph nodes as well. They removed those. It looked like Guruji had guided them to dig further; otherwise, the undetected cancer would have spread further.
I thought my nightmare was over. Doctors had removed the cancerous growth completely but they wanted chemotherapy to complement the surgery and kill any remaining cancer cells. They wanted to eliminate cancer completely, so high-dose chemotherapy was started. The first four sessions went fine and I had no side effects. I would go for chemo in the morning every fortnight, and still do my office and house work without any problem.
In fact, before the chemo began, I was prescribed an anti-depressant. I took the tablet for two days, but stopped because I did not want to get dependent on it. What I did instead was to read satsangs on this site and watch Guruji's videos on YouTube whenever I felt depressed.
After the fifth session, I had an early morning vision. I don't exactly recall it, but it felt as if Guruji was with me in a miniature form near my face. He made a gesture of dismissal five times to someone with His right hand, saying: "Bhag jaa." (Go away). I woke up and told my husband that I thought Guruji had healed me completely. The ordeal is over, or so we thought.
But the next day paralysis struck the right side of my face. Clearly it was not coincidental that the warning about my death had also been whispered into my right ear. (Cancer too had afflicted me in the right breast.) I ended up in the hospital very sick. Now it was Bells' Palsy that had struck me. I could hardly keep my balance, was unable to walk, and could not see clearly. That put me on a wheelchair; else, I would lie in bed. I was struggling to survive and was losing hope. After 17 days, I was discharged from the hospital and told to undergo the remaining four chemotherapy sessions in spite of my lousy condition.
During all this time, I did not even get a headache—though I had a swollen head, limited vision and was on a wheelchair. My experience just goes to prove what is an article of faith among devotees: Guruji takes on 90 per cent of your negative karmas, leaving you to bear only 10 per cent of them. In other terms, you nearly go scot-free.
I called up family in India in order to get Guruji's blessed copper lota. One devotee, Sumeet Jethra, couriered it to me and also emailed me a smiling swaroop of Guruji in a cream-coloured dress. I had seen that picture in Bade Mandir. Now, Sumeet had been diagnosed with a malignant tumour when he was in his twenties. He was given a dismal prognosis: That he had just months to live. However, Guruji blessed him. It's been nearly two decades since and he is hale and hearty and happily married with two kids to boast of. With Guruji's grace, he has beaten cancer. May Guruji bless him for being so helpful.
The tumbler arrived in the first week of January 2015. I began drinking water from it first thing in the morning. A few days later, my chemo began, but with a reduced dosage. Yet, my face remained paralysed and physical balance was still difficult to achieve. Moreover, I was quite afraid because I did not know how the chemo sessions were going to turn out.
I invested my faith in Guruji, knowing that He would take care but, sometimes, the fear was just too much. I think, fear kills a person more than the disease itself. My husband, my mother-in-law, my family in India were all very helpful. Whenever I used to complain about my twisted face, my husband would remark, "Well, I don't see it twisted so don't worry."
My mother had such faith in Guruji that she was absolutely sure that nothing bad could happen to me. I could not bring myself to have that faith, that trust she had. It was not that I did not believe in Him but I doubted if my prayer was reaching Him. After all, I had never thought of Him as the Supreme Being; I had only maintained that He was a saint with miraculous powers. I now recalled how I had ignored His hint regarding Himself. During a darshan when He was in his physical form, I had seen Shivji on His forehead. I had rationalized it away, thinking Guruji was playing with my mind and hypnotising me. Thus, though He is Mahashiva, I had remained ignorant about Him.
I now thought He wouldn't listen to me because I did not believe in Him completely. It did not register that if He was not protecting me, the water cyst that led to the cancer detection, the search for Guruji's photo that led surgeons, indirectly, to the afflicted lymph nodes, none of this would have happened. Guruji had been saving me without my being aware of it.
One day, I broke down in front of His picture and cried a lot. I prayed that He indicate that He was listening. I was desperate: I needed just a single indication, just one.
I found myself waking up at around 5am the next day. I was worried, scared and tense—as usual. Then suddenly a cream-coloured butterfly with a golden border on its wings appeared in the room. It had the same colour as Guruji's dress in the picture in the room. But there was no way a butterfly could have come in. Germany, in the winter, gets extremely cold as the temperature plunges below zero and all the windows are closed owing to central heating. Had the butterfly materialized right there for me?
I kept on staring at it while lying in the bed, amazed, shocked, wondering what it meant. The butterfly circled over my head two times and then touched me on the paralysed side of my face. I heard a sound as it moved towards the floor. I quickly switched on the light but there was nothing. In retrospect, I believe, the sound was an indication that I was not dreaming and that it was all real. At that moment, I realized that Guruji was reassuring me that everything was going to be fine. After that my confidence grew, because the fear of death had abated. The butterfly visitation occurred on 11th of February 2015.
Then a fortnight later, on 25th February, while I was pouring water in the lota, Guruji's face appeared at its base. Sometimes Om signs used to appear on the bathroom floor or on the chapattis that I made. All these visions made me optimistic, and my faith in Him increased by leaps and bounds.
Radiation followed chemotherapy, but without any side effects. My vision and balance normalised. I could drive the car again and do normal chores.
Then, another miracle: On October 3, 2015, I was praying when amrit varsha appeared on Guruji's picture. I rapidly clicked photographs of it, since we were about to leave for a family party. En route, I thought of sending the bunch of photographs to my family in India. While scrolling through them, I saw that one picture showed blood on Guruji's right cheek. At first, I got scared but then I realized that Guruji had taken my illness upon Himself. And it was so. My face began improving and today it has little deformity. I am sure that too is going to normalise. After all, I am alive today only thanks to Guruji.
I am glad to report that on the first day of the new year of 2016, my body is completely free of cancer. The third routine check-up has just shown that my blood report is completely normal; in fact it is very good. My oncologist is absolutely sure that the cancer will never return. He even wants to know the secret of my rapid progression to full health.
Dear Sangat-ji, believe in Guruji. Trust Him and have faith in Him because He is there to protect us and take care of all of us. He is God, the Mahashiva, and we all are lucky that He has taken us under His fold.
I cannot imagine my life without Him. When I look back at my ordeal, I thank Him for it. It has not only made me more optimistic, fearless and happy but has also made me realize who He really is. Sangat-ji, may Guruji bless you all. Jai Guruji!
January 2016