I have never been religious and have never gone to temples or other houses of worship. Yet I believe in a divine power. A friend told me about Guruji, but when I saw posts related to Guruji's
satsangs on social media, I had a good laugh. How could people be so silly as to keep an empty seat and a photo, prostrate to it and have faith in it. It was hilarious!
All that was to change when life presented me with some challenges. I took up chanting to encounter the difficulty, but found it too prescriptive and left it. Then I met my friend who had told me about Guruji. Though I was at first incredulous, I now began to get curious as I read and saw videos of a few satsangs online.
One fine Sunday evening, I stepped out of my home for Bade Mandir. In fact, I rarely ever go out since I have kids whom I do not wish to leave alone. My friend was to meet me at the Mandir.
At the parking lot near the Mandir, I saw a lady crying in distress inside a vehicle. I approached and gave her some water. I had come for the first time to the Mandir, I told her. You are in heaven, she proclaimed, and can only arrive at Guruji's behest. I emphasized that I had come to the Mandir out of curiosity; she responded that I would return. After our chat, I went inside the Mandir minus my friend, whom I couldn't meet.
Everything changed when I entered the
samadhi area: I began crying even as I smelled roses. I saw flowers in the samadhi and would have attributed the fragrance to them, but the flowers were gladioli. The scent followed me as I went to the main hall. By the time I had reached Guruji's seat, I was howling like a baby.
I had
chai prasad and then
langar, relishing it enthusiastically. As I was leaving, a lady devotee asked me if I had eaten and I said yes, adding that it was my first time at the Mandir. She unlatched a bracelet with Guruji's
swaroop that she was wearing and put it on my hand. I remonstrated, but she said it was for me.
After that Sunday, I went to the Mandir on a Monday at 8 am. Just had to. For four days after that, whenever I would hear a
shabad or a
bhajan or think of Guruji, a car would come up next to me with a sign saying "
Blessings always Guruji". It was bizarrely wonderful.
I went to the Mandir with my 7-year-old son and he too smelt the roses!
Initially, I had much anger and angst and a large list of wishes and wants. But as I kept coming to Guruji, my burden began lightening. I looked around and saw people with all kinds of issues and felt truly blessed.
A hesitant part of me wonders what some of my acquaintances will think of me for following a guru, but since we all err as human beings, we need Guruji and faith to show us the right path and keep tugging us back to it. Recently, my locket that had Guruji's picture fell off and I became disheartened. Maybe I will find it again—as I did the last time it had happened and as my faith grows.
I still have a lot of questions but I am getting better at faith. I keep engaging with satsangs and also read
Light of Divinity. I would love to attend a satsang in my neighbourhood. During my recent visits to the Mandir, I have stopped requesting Guruji for things, but instead ask what I can do for Him. I write and narrate well and can paint, so maybe He can use this to let me be of service. I hope He finds a way for me.
Faith is a long journey, and I hope I can find devotees who will help me. The mere fact that I have gone to the Mandir so many times alone, as if pulled by a magnet, is so unlike me. The journey has begun.
Lubinisha Saha, a devotee
December 2019