For many years, I would notice Guruji's stickers on cars and His images in homes and offices, but I never felt a connection with Him. I viewed Him as just another godman, followed out of fear and desperation.
In 2023, a friend invited me to a lunch that I was hesitant to attend but went to on my mother's encouragement. During conversation, my friend mentioned a memoir she was reading about a woman who, after facing numerous challenges, found Guruji and experienced a profound transformation. As we were discussing her journey, another guest arrived and began sharing his own experiences with Guruji, describing the impact He had on his life. Shortly after, yet another guest spoke about her visit to the Bada Mandir and how she felt enveloped by Guruji's divine presence. It was as if our lunch had turned into a
mini-satsang. I had never felt a pull towards Guruji before, but these stories resonated deeply with me. Something shifted within me.
When I returned home and narrated these conversations to my mother, she revealed that a relative of ours had also felt the power of Guruji in her life, becoming a devoted follower. I see this relative often and had no idea about her connection to Guruji. Both my mother and I intuited that Guruji was calling us, and we decided to pay our respects at the Bada Mandir the following Thursday, which also happened to be my mother's birthday.
I went with no expectations. I entered the Bada Mandir as a casual observer, noting how people were queuing up and the goings-on around me. As we climbed the stairs to the hall of the Mandir, I felt relaxed. Seeing devotees sipping the divine tea, and entering the
durbar, I sensed something different. In keeping with convention, I too bowed before Guruji's
gaddi. When I raised my head, an extraordinary sense of peace washed over me. It was a feeling I struggled to articulate; it was simply beyond words. I couldn't pinpoint what that sensation was, but it felt significant, prompting me to decide that I would visit the Bada Mandir every Thursday.
On my second visit, as I bowed to Guruji, I shared my uncertainty about why I was there, yet I bowed in respect and silently prayed to Guruji to accept some
sewa from me. After the
darshan, just as I was about to get into my car, I was asked if I could give a woman devotee a ride to the Metro station. I happily agreed, viewing it as sewa Guruji had granted. During the 40-minute drive, I realized that I wasn't the one providing sewa; the devotee was offering it by sharing her insights on connecting with Guruji. She guided me on how to listen to satsangs and the
gurubani, explaining how these practices could help dispel negativity and illuminate my path.
On my second visit, I once again expressed my eagerness for sewa to Guruji. As I was leaving the Mandir, it was again suggested to me at the exit of the car parking that I give a lift to another lady. This woman had been connected to Guruji for over a decade and shared her satsangs about how Guruji had positively influenced her life and her children's lives. She then invited me to a satsang, being hosted to solemnize a wedding, near her home.
I went. Although I felt a bit out of place since I didn't know the bride or groom, I was genuinely excited and unsure of what to expect. I observed a diverse group of individuals coming together, fully engaged in the
shabad and gurbani, and savouring the
prasad with deep reverence. It truly was a wonderful experience. I was gifted a large
swaroop and a generous portion of prasad by the same woman who had invited me to the satsang. She also provided me with plenty to take home for my parents. Upon my return, I shared the prasad with both of them, which felt like a pivotal moment in my journey with Guruji.
I began to visit the Bada Mandir regularly from that point on. I committed to attending for five consecutive Mondays, and later extended my visits to each of the five days–from Thursday to Monday–every week. I repeated this several times, no matter how challenging the weather in Delhi was, whether it was sweltering heat or biting cold, and I always felt a profound tranquility. My time spent with Guruji and the satsangs provided me with a refreshing sense of renewal. I also started lighting a lamp before His swaroop and reciting the Guru
mantra at home. My mother joined me in this practice. With our limited knowledge but sincere intentions, I began offering coffee to Guruji on Mondays while my mother prepared prasad for lunch every Thursday. Even our house-help became part of this, and together we prayed for her mother, who was facing a critical heart surgery that often had dire outcomes. Thanks to Guruji's divine blessings, her procedure not only went smoothly but she also made a remarkable recovery.
A year after Guruji welcomed me into His divine presence, I came to understand the profound strength he had instilled in me, giving me the courage to embark on a transformative journey as I decided to move to a new city. It was a decision I had contemplated for quite some time but had always held back from pursuing. I never thought I would be brave enough to take such a leap and begin anew. Prior to my move, I visited the Bada Mandir and received Guruji's blessings, which filled me with strength. I also brought a swaroop to my new home. Now, every time I recite the mantras, I feel a deep sense of connection.
In this brief time I've spent with Guruji, I've come to understand that He doesn't seek anything in return. His only desire is for us to reach out with genuine love and sincerity, free from any pretense. For me, my bond with Guruji transcends material concerns. I've faced my share of challenges and have shed tears in his presence, yet I've never asked for specific favours. I approach Him with the innocence of a child, which is how I truly connect with Him. He embodies a fatherly figure, guiding me through my deepest pains and sorrows.
I've shared my experiences of Guruji with many and have begun to meet others who also revere Him. It's a beautiful experience to connect with those who simply believe in Guruji and embrace His teachings. I aspire to share more profound experiences that can uplift others and reinforce their faith in Him. While my understanding is still developing, and I recognize that I may not possess the depth of knowledge that others have who have known Guruji longer, I've realized that I can look upon Him as a parent or an older brother. My goal is to connect with Him authentically, like a child, rather than imitating someone else's way of relating to Him. I look forward to sharing more satsangs, as I believe these can help others appreciate the divine essence of Guruji.
Manasi Agarwal, a devotee
January 2025