We had been doing
amritvela satsangs (predawn devotions) at our home for a month when on the early morning of May 5, I felt heaviness in my chest. As we were about to start our satsang, my
chai prasad spilled accidentally. This had never happened during the month of our devotions, and we thought Guruji was removing negativity. We did not think this was an omen as Guruji had taught us not to be superstitious. We refilled the cup with chai prasad and continued with the satsang.
Later, as we moved on to the
mantra jaap, a butterfly came by, to my overwhelming joy. Butterflies are not seen around our locality, and I had prayed to Guruji that if He accepted even a single day of our amritvela satsang, He should signal His presence through a butterfly. That holy satsang day, the butterfly sat on my left thigh and during the aarti, it sat on the mat. After the aarti it disappeared, and couldn't be found inside the house.
That night I had a fever which spiked and, as a doctor, I intuited that it was not normal. I have two daughters aged 5 and 3 years old and fearing Covid, I decided to self-isolate and sleep in another room. This was hard on the kids. I had no helping hand at home, so the next morning I myself made the food, showered the children, and fed the family its meals. All the while I did my mantra jaap with my mask on, recalling the
shabad 'Simar Kate Sab Rog / Charan Dhyan Sarab Sukh Bhog // Pooran Purakh Navatan Nit Baalaa / Har Antar Baahar Sab Rakhwala', which had played for the first time that satsang day.
But, a day later the fever hadn't subsided and I got my RT-PCR (real-time reverse transcription–polymerase chain reaction) done, booking the test for my husband and kids as well. I was confident Guruji wouldn't let anything happen and the reports would turn out negative. When the results came on 8th May, my husband and kids were negative—I was positive. My heart broke, and I questioned Guruji. How would we manage now? My husband, a simple man with utmost devotion towards Guruji, was unskilled at housework and looking after the children. I was fearful as he had put on weight, and I knew as a medical professional that many had lost their lives to Covid because of being overweight. I wanted to save my husband and children from the Covid devil at any cost and did not want to be the source of infection for my family.
God's plan is always in our favour. Amidst tears, I gathered all my strength and prayed to Guruji for succour. I talked to my sister-in-law to have my husband and kids come to her house in Noida, and being the blessed soul she is, she agreed immediately. I prevailed upon my anxious husband to move, and he took the decision as Guruji's directive. I was in another room and did not come out to even see the kids off. I felt it could be the last day I was with my family if my infection proved deadly.
Though my mind was overwrought with fear, my faith in my Gurupa was getting stronger with each breath. I was praying to Him to be with my husband and kids so that they remained unaffected. I also prayed for Guruji to keep my parents, whom I had met recently, out of harm's way. A satsang I had heard anchored my faith. In it,
Guruji had reaffirmed for a devotee in distress how only the Guru could stand by her at a time when neither her husband, kids nor those nearest and dearest to her could come to her rescue.
Guruji was with me too. I felt Him holding my hands throughout. I couldn't sleep at night because of restlessness and would play the mantra jaap for 24 hours on my phone. I cut myself off from the negative soundbites of the social media.
The second wave of Covid had been so destructive that medically it was very hard to judge the progression of the infection and arrive at a prognosis. But Guruji ensured I got the best medical treatment. Four doctors managed my treatment—my medical seniors, a close friend who had published many research articles on Covid, and my treating physician, who used to assess me daily. At that time, patients were being misled with wrong treatment or could not find medical help, but my Gurupa gave me VIP treatment. All the medicines prescribed to me were judiciously selected and differed slightly from the then-protocol. I was apprehensive and as a doctor wanted to query the medics about why I was not being given antibiotics and steroids. My physician put all my doubts to rest. "You are like my daughter, just trust me blindly without using your medical mind," he said. "I assure you I won't let anything happen to you. I take your responsibility and I will be answerable to everyone." No doctor could ever give such an assurance. Guruji was speaking through His mouth.
There was a scarcity of drugs and shops would close after 8 in the night owing to the strict lockdown, but Guruji made sure that medicines reached me on time even if they were prescribed late at night. My mother and brother became my servitors attending on me for everything, be it food, essential items or medicines. My parents cooked nutritive meals to ensure my recovery was not hindered. I cannot thank Guruji enough for blessing me with such a wonderful family. After four days of constant care, I was stable.
Then my three-year-old became unwell. Our paediatrician said she might also have Covid. The medical opinion was that my daughter should come and stay with me, and be separated from my husband who was at higher risk of contracting Covid, because children's immunity levels are higher and not as susceptible as adults' to Covid. Only one doctor gave the opinion that my daughter's fever could have resulted from the shock of being separated from me.
Clearly, my isolation was having a significant psychological impact on both my young ones. I knew that if anything happened to me, my husband would not take be able to care of my daughters and they would be devastated. I prayed and bowed down to Guruji to save me if only for my daughters' sake. I had faith in Guruji and came to a decision: Our family should shift to a bigger flat, where there was an appreciable distance among the rooms, so that my children could remain nearby.
The fifth day of the illness is crucial for Covid: breathlessness shows up at this time. Doctors advised that I take rest and do no physical work, but that was the day I, with my brother's help, managed to shift to a new flat. Guruji gave me all the energy. I took Guruji's
swaroop,
chandan tikka and
lota for
jal prasad to the new flat and kept everything by my bedside. At night because of my exertions, my oxygen level began declining. I immediately began chanting the mantra jaap and every time I did so, my level would normalise. At that moment I heard an inner voice: "
Ghabrai na, nahi rulne dena main tere bacchya nu. . . Jaa tuhanu new life ditti." (Don't fall prey to anxiety, I won't let you be separated from your children; I have given you a new life.) Guruji's voice was an answer to my
ardas.
That night I felt someone patted me on my back, consoling me that nothing would go wrong. Since then, whenever the oximeter would show that my SPO2 level had fallen, I would ask Guruji to take care of it and it would go up! Both my daughters had fever, but they got well in a few days. Since they were with my husband in another room, his health was at risk, but Guruji made sure that he stayed well.
Five days later my temperature had, unknown to me, still not climbed down. Guruji hoodwinked me into thinking that I had no fever: Whenever I'd take my axillary temperature, it would read 98.9 degree Fahrenheit. Yet my pulse would go up as high as 200 beats per minute and my SPO2 level would fluctuate. Still stress and fear, factors as important as the biological indicators, were low not only because my children were nearby, but because I never realized I had fever even up to the 10
th day of the infection.
I eagerly waited for the 14
th day to arrive, so I could get out of self-isolation and hug my kids. Everyone advised against such rashness. In fact, people warned me not to come in close contact with my daughters till a month, which was not an option. My husband and I got ourselves tested and I prayed to Guruji that the results come negative, so that I could rejoin my family and end my emotional turmoil. The results were delayed by three days, and my daughters were restless, so I decided on my own to end my isolation. I had faith in my Gurupa. And the results tamely followed Guruji's
hukm: They were negative.
Guruji held my hand throughout and made me realize His presence every single moment. He blessed me with a new life just so that I could take care of my family, my daughters. I cannot thank Him enough even if I wanted to.
Dr. Megha Sharma, a devotee
July 2021