Page 409 - Light of Divinity

Light of Divinity

I was his child and this was my problem. I begged him to bless me
with a child for my husband if not for me, as he had been adopted
and it would be so nice for him to have someone of his own to love.
My prayers sent heavenward, I confidently left the gurdwara.

A month later I realized I was pregnant. I rang up my consultant,
Dr. Lenehan, and my general practitioner and told them I was
pregnant. They cautiously suggested that I take a pregnancy test, as
in cases like mine a few people had phantom pregnancies. I said I
was 100 per cent sure, and with that I thanked Babaji Guru Nanak
Sahib for his blessings. Nine months later I was blessed with a
beautiful baby girl. There was joy everywhere.

As months progressed, I realized something was gravely wrong
with my child. I have taken paramedic training and I noted that my
baby made no eye contact. I sensed she couldn’t hear, she didn’t
smile, coo, laugh or do normal things that babies of her age usually
did. At times I told myself to stop behaving like I was at work and
to stop looking for milestones in the baby’s growth. I heard myself
saying: “You are a mother, this is your child, stop looking for
trouble—you are not at a hospital on intensive care duty.” But, my
soul was so disturbed that I brought her for a medical check-up. The
neonatologist, following emergency procedure, straight away sent us
to a neurosurgeon, the best in the country, and our difficult journey
started.

CT scans, brain scans, ECGs etc. were done. Finally, Sheena was
diagnosed as having cerebral palsy. We were told she would never
sit, never walk, and with time her face would become distorted. She
would be physically and mentally disabled. My husband David was
very distressed. My soul was shattered, I was distraught, I shouted:
“Dear Lord, how could you do this to me? How could you? You are
not my father, my Lord.” David would put his hand on my mouth
and say: “You don’t talk about the Lord in such a fashion.” He
assured me as best as he could that Sheena would be okay.

I picked Sheena up in my arms and came home. I was like a crazy
woman who had had a nervous breakdown. Tears were pouring
down my face. I was shouting abuse at the Lord and eventually
asked David to go to Babaji’s room and take the holy Granth out of
the room. I was shouting: “There is no God in this world.” David
answered: “Sukhi, if you wish to throw God out of your life then
it is your choice. Please don’t ask me to commit this grave sin—I

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